It’s quite possible that I’m committing blog suicide today. But I’m all about owning up to your life, your victories AND your messups. As big as they may be. So, here we go.
Do you know that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?
That slow, warm uneasiness that slowly, painfully creeps up into your face, your arms, your legs and then takes over your entire body?
That feeling as if someone slapped you in the face, undressed you and put your darkest fears out in front of the open for everyone to see?
And all you can do is sit, breathe, stare?
Paralyzed.
That’s how I felt yesterday afternoon when I read this Facebook update:
Even posting it here makes my palms go sweaty, my heart beat faster and my body feel ashamed and vulnerable.
I know she’s talking about me.
I know because I’ve felt it the moment I read the first words.
I know because it suddenly opened my eyes.
I felt it crystal clear.
Intuition? I guess so.
I had lost my way.
I had lost myself.
At least, for a while I did.
I wanted to be taken seriously. I wanted to “belong”.
When I stumbled upon her website, I had only started to peak into this online business world and she was my first example of what it is you could do.
Truth be told, I had NO freaking clue and still don’t what I’m doing.
A few months ago, I had no idea how to write an eBook, how to shoot “okay” videos, how to manage email lists.
No clue.
So, I guess, I looked for people I felt drawn to and tried to learn.
But I didn’t realize how much she had influenced me. Mostly because I hadn’t read her posts for months. But maybe those first few months were the most forming ones?
I’m not sure.
I didn’t realize that taking the structure was such a big deal.
I didn’t see.
I didn’t mean to.
I most certainly never meant to copy. Ever.
But I did.
Subconsciously? You bet.
But the truth is: I knew it wasn’t me. I was miserable.
I felt the need to look and appear grown up when in reality, I’m not.
I’m 25 years young, feeling like I’m still a toddler learning to take the first few steps.
I am quirky, have a thick accent, a very loud organ and I absolutely love all things fashion and glitter.
I’m me, trying to figure out what it means to live, love and be Anne-Sophie.
I’m trying to build a business that reflects my core, my mission and my dream of helping women love themselves, their bodies and their lives.
That is who I am.
I am NOT a copycat. I never was and never will be. What I write is my content, what I say are my words, what I create is my content and what I do is all me. Structure yes, copying, no.
So, I owe you an apology. A big one.
I’m hoping you believe me when I say that I most certainly didn’t mean to hurt you, make you angry, feel bad or betrayed.
I never consciously did anything to copy you. Ever. You are your own shining star. I am mine. I never wanted to be you.
I am truly sorry.
On to you: What is it you have done wrong – subconsciously or consciously – in the past?
What is it that made you feel like someone caught you doing something you shouldn’t have done or should’ve known better?
I bet you can think of a few instances and that’s OK. I have a few tips on what you can do to turn the situation around, relieve your mind and own up to your responsibility.
1. Know that whatever happened, you’re fine
We all make mistakes. We all do things we won’t be proud of a week later, a month or even years. It’s easy to let difficult, uneasy situations define you and shame you into thinking you’re worthless, a fraud or a failure. But it’s important to realize that this is not true. A mistake can’t scratch away your worthiness as a person, your enoughness and your beautiful core.
2. Apologize
Own up to your mistake and apologize. Sincerely. Do it in person if possible as this is an easy way to opening up the conversation and resolving the conflict for all times to come.
3. Learn
There’s always a good side to every situation, so look at what it is you can take away, learn from it and don’t let this lesson be a waste.
4. Move on
Let it go. Leave what happened in the past and continue to go your way.
Growing. Evolving. Shining. Every single day.
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Have you ever done something that you were less than proud of? Share it in the comment section if you’re brave enough. 🙂
Damn, girl. You are BRAVE. It takes so much courage to publicly own your mistakes and apologise for them.
I don’t think you’re committing blog suicide. I think this is your rebirth. This is your rise from the ashes of miserable fitting into shoes that weren’t yours. We learn by imitation, and you were learning the best way you knew how.
Now, however, you’re stronger. Wiser. Braver. Oh, so brave. My heart was in my mouth when I read that update. I don’t know if I’d have the courage to talk about it on my blog. But you know what? That’s what this life is all about. Growing, falling, failing, picking yourself up and dusting yourself off.
I’m proud to know you. I’m so happy to see your own voice emerge.
That said, I don’t believe taking structure is such a big deal. Isn’t that why creatives say we should steal like artists? I imagine it’d be a problem if we stole content as well as structure. That’s just me, though. Doesn’t everyone want to use a model that works?
Whatever the case, you’ve come out alive on the other side. You’ve survived the mishap. I can’t imagine how awful it was, but I can appreciate that you have the chutzpah to own it and KEEP IT MOVING.
That’s all you gotta do, babe. Work your identity and keep it moving. Always here if you need me. 😉
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Otiti.
I love the way you put it and you’re right, it is a rebirth and I’m starting to become the real me. I agree with you on structure. It’s something I learned from Jon Morrow. He’s big on studying things that work and applying the structure- with your own content of course.
It was a bad situation, but I’m glad it happened and it opened my eyes. I have so much to give by being me.
Just being part of the $100 Change community and meeting you and others has already helped me so so much and I’m so happy that we’ve connected. <3
Today it is so hard to say who did what first. Most of the things have been invented already. What I don’t like about the online world is that it makes people so rudely straight forward.
I don’t know this person, and knowing you I don’t even want to find another personal booster. You’re enough for me. I like you. No one else. I’m having hard time believing that you copied everything. In any case, she should have contacted you in person, not to make it a public ordeal.
Dear Anne-Sophie, now really look into your core. Like you started doing above. What do you really like? You mentioned fashion and glitter. Maybe dig deeper into that. A lot of fashionistas feel very insecure inside their chic apparel. That is a niche for you. Also, you have spent such long hours doing sports. Develop that. Your past as an AN survivor. Use that…
You come across as someone truly kind. That is precious. You take time to really answer with your heart. You have targeted intelligence – you know the online biz way better than I do, for example, and I admire you for that, too. Maybe stop going to that copying blaming site. Then you are sure not to be influenced.
I want to be your idea buddy, your booster, just because… so write me about things that you are cooking up. We’ll discuss and develop. Just for you, not for me because I don’t want to be in this niche. But you are and you are so great at it. You go girl!!!! And don’t let this hurt you one little bit!!!!!
With love,
Susa
Susu Paris Chic
http://www.makinen.fr/susa/wordpress/
Susa, your words moved me so much, I cried. Thank you for your wonderful comment.
I will definitely email you and I’d love to run a few ideas by you. THANK YOU.
Yes, it is not easy to see who did what first and she and I are very, very similar. I think that’s why I’ve been drawn to her. I will definitely stay away from her brand (although I still appreciate all she’s doing and I think her work is incredibly meaningful) and just do my own thing. It’s funny but even before I saw her update on Friday, I thought about rewriting my about page. Serendipity? I don’t know.
I’m thinking of focusing on body-love and self-love as my two major topics. I can then still write about everything I love to write about because self-love for me includes everything: traveling, relationships, self-worth, business, wealth, friendships etc.
Thoughts?
I loooove your suggestions and I will definitely consider them. Thanks for being an incredible friend, Sus.
A bit controversial, maybe. But not suicidal. And I think you already moved on, which is the best thing to do. I made the effort to listen to her podcast (I wonder why it took her 68 episodes to find out she might have a “copycat.”) She should have emailed you privately instead of making that podcast.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard of Sean King (he’s a 22-year old successful online entrepreneur and a great guy). This is what he says on his website: “I believe the quickest way to success is to “copy” what’s working for sites that are already reaching the goals you have for yourself. And when I say “copy,” I mean taking the factors of a successful site and uniquely applying the concepts to your own project.”
Well, I believe this is exactly what you did. Your followed structure, just like Jon Morrow says. So, you’re on the safe side.You use your own voice and creativity. Period.
I took even a closer look on her juicing web site and I’d say the green juicing is a hot topic on many websites nowadays because of its countless benefits. [One of those peeps, one I’m following and admire genuinely, is a NYT best-selling author and a cancer survivor.] Does that mean they are all copying one another? In fact, green juicing is something all of us should try sometimes.
I think she’s just jealous of your growing audience. 🙂
Keep doing what your’re doing & dream BIG!
P.S. I like your countdown to your departure for the Big Apple 😉
Oh, wow. Thanks for taking the time to listen to the podcast. I wasn’t strong enough to do it. 🙂
I love that quote of Sean King and that’s what I’ve heard so many, many times in the past few months.
Are you talking about Kris Carr? I looove her too. She’s such an inspiration and so full of positivity and light. That’s actually a good point on green juicing and that can be said for every single product out there. Like Susa said, it’s hard to say who did what first.
Thanks for all the encouragement, Anca. xoxo
Yes, the countdown makes me more excited every single time I look at it. Just a few more days.
You’re welcome, Anne-Sophie! Yes, I was talking about Kris Carr.
What about when you are citing someone?
Hi Dale and thanks for the comment. I think that when you cite someone, it’s quite natural that you need to make point it out, no? WordPress even has the option to set the quotation apart from the rest of the text.
Danke viemals lieben fraulien. I know that was probably broken German, hopefully my intention is gotten across. I generally will just make a disclaimer that I am influenced by one or another. Thanks for all you do!
You did fine. 🙂 Just a tiny mistake. Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I think that we’re all influenced by others, that comes with living life and you can’t really ever get away from that. Don’t you think?
Wow the comments left by everyone are awesome, so well said! I really have so many thoughts on this whole thing, is there a character limit on these comments? 🙂
I listened to the podcast too, and I’m not going to judge her based on it because I’ve never been on the site, but while I’m sure she had great intentions, it came across as a negative focus to me. I just believe that we should all focus on creation and not competition. I’m not sure if she felt like it was direct competition or what, and it really doesn’t matter now, but that’s my thoughts on that part of it.
I also think that’s really really brave to stand up and write this about the whole situation. That’s something to be incredibly proud of that you did that, it takes a whole lot of guts to do that, and really shows confidence in yourself that whatever has happened, it is ok to admit it and move on. Actually I think it is posts like this that everyone can really relate to, and it’s things like this that in my opinion make your writings so unique. You are so completely honest, it really is inspiring.
I truly believe that in each moment of our lives, we are doing the best that we can at that given moment. Maybe we make a mistake here or there, but we NEVER fail 🙂 Every so-called failure is just another form of success when we look at it in a different light. Each moment, we are learning, growing, and doing the best we can in this moment, so that’s why we should never regret anything. If we wish we wouldn’t have done something, then that’s ok, we can choose not to do it again. And we can thank ourselves and be proud of ourselves for growing into more of who we want to be.
What I do know is that you can’t fake what you bring to this blog and to everyone who reads your writing Anne-Sophie. Everyone who is really in this moment and paying attention can plainly see you are being YOU. You can’t fake or copy the passion you show in every sentence of your writing, or the truly kind smiles in your videos, or the thoughtful, gentle, honest, kind replies to all of your comments. Structure doesn’t make a blog, it is the passion, love, caring, playfulness, and all the other things that you show that are truly your unique qualities that makes this blog (along with so many other great things).
So I hope you don’t give this a second thought, because you are truly unique and you do bring that out in your writings. The last line of the Optimist Creed is one of my favorites and applies here: “Promise yourself to believe that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”. All we can ever do is try to be true to the best that is in us, and I have no doubt you are doing that.
Have a wonderful day! 🙂
Paul
It’s moments like this that I just love this blog. lol
Seriously, Paul, I know you mean what you say and that makes your words all the more special to me.
A word about competition: I really don’t believe in it anymore. I used. A lot. And it scared me so much, but now I know that there’s room for everyone in this world. Everyone can succeed because we’re all different and we all serve different people. Even if we all went about it the exact same way, we’d all end up attracting different people and serving different purposes.
Thanks for your encouraging words, Paul. I know I’ll read them over and over again.