Last night I was laying in bed reminiscing about the seemingly serendipitous steps that led me to this place in my life.
I retraced the steps from my first signs of being eating disordered to today and it was one of those moments where I was just speechless. You know those moments, right?
The moments when a chill runs up your spine, your heart beats faster and you’re just humbled by the journey you’ve taken.
Who’d have ever thought the girl who was terrified of her writing class because she never seemed to measure up, would make writing her career?
Who’d have ever thought the depressed young girl, so deeply engaged in her eating disordered behavior would ever stand up tall and shout from the roof-tops that self-love is the most important asset in life?
Who’d have ever thought that I’d get over the abuse of the past and emerge stronger than ever before?
Who’d have ever thought that the girl who was terrified of peers would meet people from all around the world and grow so close to them that I wouldn’t want to do without them ever again?
Who’d have ever thought?
Well, certainly not me.
Yet, when I look back, everything that happened starting from the early days of my anorexia up to this moment seems skillfully and artistically orchestrated.
Had I not liked Grey’s Anatomy and searched for podcasts, I’d have never found Lost. I’d never have gotten to know this wonderful community of Losties and maybe never gotten out of my depression. I’d have never flown to the Lost parties and never gone to BlogWorld. I’d have never taken blogging seriously, would have never written my book nor created my courses.
And I would not have survived.
So, is this serendipity or fate?
Are these steps we take, these turns in the direction of our lives just accidental, decisions we make on the fly or do we all have a destiny and things really happen for a reason?
I don’t believe in God. In the past, I’ve gone back and forth between believing and doubting and the doubt has always won. I’m not opposed to the idea, but I just can’t buy into it just yet or maybe ever.
But the question of why we’re here, why things happen the way they do has moved me for decades. And my attitude toward fate and serendipity has changed dramatically in the past few months.
As I’ve worked through my anorexia, I’ve learned to be grateful for the experiences I’ve made. I’ve learned so much about life, love, real friends and the workings of family. I’ve discovered whom I can trust, how far I can go, how strong I really am and what it takes to tear me down. I’ve tested my limits.
Sure, they’re easier ways and less risky ones to do that and I understand that. And please know that I’m not glorifiying anorexia at all. It is a horrible, destructive and deadly disorder, but if I kept holding on to the misery of these years, if I kept regretting and resenting what happened, I’d never be able to move on.
A lot of good things resulted from this time of struggle, so how could I not give it meaning and significance? I chose my anorexia for a specific reason and I was meant to rise up to the challenge of beating that beast.
The same is true for meeting my husband and eventually leaving him. Even though it hurts like hell to see this marriage fall apart, I know that it was meant to happen the way it did. We were meant to be together for a time, both rescuing each other when we were drowning in misery.
Again, I choose to believe that we were sent to each other at that specific time in our lives.
By whom? I don’t know. I really don’t.
I guess it’s what we choose to believe and how we choose to see the world. Maybe there’s a God, maybe we all have a destiny (hello, Locke!) or maybe we’re just walking this earth accidentally and make decisions randomly.
It doesn’t really matter though, as long as you choose to see meaning in everything you do and in everything that happens to you.
However, don’t just sit around waiting for life-changing events to happen, but be active, take risks, put yourself out there and see what life has to offer to you.
Don’t hide and believe that your destiny will find you. It won’t. That much I know.
You have to make it happen.
You have to have the steering wheel in your hands.
If you don’t, it doesn’t matter whether you believe in serendipity or fate, life will pass you by!
Serendipity or Fate? What’s your take on the little moments that change our lives forever?
I think that our CHOICES come first. When they coincide with the choices that other people make, serendipity (or just plain bad luck) is the result. As for fate? My rational side says “no”, but my other side thinks that depending on my choices, there are specific outcomes (fates) waiting for me. Sometimes I don’t like to believe in fate because I get too hopeful and it means giving up a bit of control. At the end of the day I’m just working on making good choices. 😉
Hey there and thanks so much for another awesome comment. 🙂 I love the way you look at it and it’s true that our choices determine our life’s path. So, yes, making smart and informed choices is definitely a great way to live. 🙂
Anne-Sophie
http://aMINDmedia.com
Empower Yourself
Am 24.09.2012 um 21:06 schrieb “Disqus” :
I hear you, Anne-Sophie. IMO, it’s the universal law of attraction that just responds to our feelings (vibes) whether they are positive or negative.
You went through some serious hurdles, but just *that* made you grow stronger. And the more you give attention to that, and celebrate it (hey, this is here because of me, I attracted this!), the stronger you’ll become and the more joy you’ll experience. Not my words but Michael Losier’s, whose books I recently read and enjoyed the simplicity of his approach and conversation.
I’m trying to use his simple techniques in my day-to-day activities to keep attracting more of what I want, both personally and professionally. That also meant stepping out of my comfort zone. You mentioned Grey’s Anatomy as well, and finding LOST and the entire fan community the show has. I also – through a much less life threatening hurdle, i.e. a lay-off – came across The L Word while I was one day browsing, depressed, through some Grey’s YouTube videos. And, long story short, landed an amazing global community of people, most of them gay, where I made friends for life.
Since then a lot has changed in my life, including a new career to which I probably wouldn’t have dared to think of hadn’t I been laid-off: writing.
I love reading your blog for the positivity that transpires through each of your posts and podcasts. Keep on keeping on! And thanks for sharing. 🙂
Anca, thanks so much for sharing your brilliant thoughts. I’ll really have to check out this author. I haven’t heard of him before. I totally agree with you that the vibes we put into the world attract what we get.
I’m so elated to hear about these positive changes in your life and I know that you’ll attract a lot of wealth and even more wisdom in the future. You’re a beautiful spirit, Anca.
Anne-Sophie
http://aMINDmedia.com
Empower Yourself
Am 25.09.2012 um 14:04 schrieb “Disqus” :
I believe that we need to take charge; and make decisions from a place of love and trust rather than be driven by the ego. In the way forward, we first go deep inside and develop a vision that comes from our heart center. It is the vision that prompts us to put ourselves in discomfort. But we persist and stay despite the discomfort….until our vision becomes the reality.
It sure seems that you have overcome many challenges. Good for you! You are certainly an inspiration for courage. Awesome!
I love your attitude, Evelyn. Yes, I agree it all has to come from within to make a deep and lasting impact on us and the world. Thanks for your kind words and I can only say the same about you. You’re an inspiration.
Anne-Sophie
http://aMINDmedia.com
Empower Yourself
Am 28.09.2012 um 03:46 schrieb “Disqus” :
Hello,
I think then it is quite simple and clear. You feel pulled in two directions. Two things by halves, which is not good for you. I cap your link to my page, then you have on the other finally a whole for you.
Bye.
Just found your blog today, subscribed to it and bought your book. How is that for a Saturday morning? 😉
as to Serendipity or Fate – I think that change is always hard, but when the pain of doing nothing is worse than the pain of changing we ARE ready. Once we get into that frame of mind, external events give the final push. It might feel like some magical thing took place, but it is simply something that connects those dots ready to be connected… and we move m a new direction…
w00t! That’s awesome, Sally. You just made my evening! I hope you enjoy the book. I totally agree with you. Pain can sometimes be a good motivator but the more in tune you are with yourself, the more often you’ll be able to make changes before it really hurts. Does that makes sense?